What is growing up? What is it about growing up that takes those famous rose tinted glasses off your nose? And I don’t mean that in an unhappy way but a practical way – you know; reality.
Seriously, when do you grow up? When you enter your teens? When you exit your teens? When you’re into the twenties? When you’re about to get into the 30’s? Truth is, you’re always ‘growing up’. You’re having experiences that change the way you think and behave. You learn to respond to situations rather than simply react to them. You learn that everyone does not have your best interests in mind and that you need to keep those who do, close to you. You become independent – you become your own person. Of course your upbringing has an influence, but you pick and choose and reinvent yourself, be it conscious or subconscious. You’re evolving in that quest to be an individual and along the way you’re looking for people you can share your life with, people who’re essentially doing the same thing.
David Crane and Marta Kauffman hit the nail on it’s head when they wrote of their smash hit show about six people in their 20’s who hang out at an after hours coffee shop, “It’s about love, relationships, careers… a time in your life when everything is possible which is really exciting and really scary. It’s about searching for love and commitment and security… and a fear of love and commitment and security. And it’s about friendship, because when you’re young and single in the city, your friends are your family”. It is precisely that fleeting time of your life when things are uncertain and you don’t know how everything is going to turn out that is the most exciting and memorable! It is the anticipation of good things to come and the innumerable possibilities that exist. It’s a time when even failure and heart break are met chin up! I think it is at the end of this phase when the world is at your feet that you really grow up. The end of possibilities – the ‘settling down’ – comes when you commit to a career, to a place, to a partner, when you know that this is your choice and you will stick to it. It means no goofing up, no goofing off. For me, it was between 21 and 27. For others, it varies because one has to be ready to grow up and move to that next stage.
A friend from college called today out of the blue, after a zillion years. And we talked. And we reminisced. And we laughed. She has a baby girl now; being responsible for her hasn’t made her feel matronly or that she’s compromised. The finality of ‘settling down’ can be lovely – especially when that’s what you were always looking for.
Strangely, even though people always feel they’re mature beyond their years whatever age they’re at, they never quite “feel their age”. No, that’s not a muddled thought, it’s a curious fact! For example, I have always tried to act responsible and mature, vying to take on more responsibility and get more important work to do, but I’ve never felt my age. Even today I don’t feel like pushing 30! At 21 we thought the late 20’s would be old. Now that we’re there, we feel the mid 30’s will be old and we are still kids. Grown up kids that is! :-)
So to all the lovely grown up (or not) kids in my life: wish you a year full of possibilities that keeps you young and fulfilment that keeps you smiling!
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